Blog 10

How does social networking influence interpersonal behavior?

So here it is, my last post meant to give an overview of everything I’ve learned thus far about how social networking influences interpersonal behavior. This class has taught me so much more than that but I comment on the desired learning outcomes specifically. We have grown heavily reliant on social networking and thus become incredibly “social” people. However at the same time this becoming “social” is ironically degrading the true social interaction we could have on a daily basis if we would just put our phones down. This is not something I’m about to rant on about despite how easy it would be. I would, however, like to make the point that because social networking is a more “introverted experience” we naturally begin to think in a more self centered way when we focus on it too much. While Facebook’s public quality is a good way of showing affection or gratitude in a public manor it may not always be the most appropriate. Public is public for a reason; it’s not as intimate. I personally thrive off of these more intimate encounters where you interact with a person on a deeper level that Facebook is not as conducive to. A person is much more than their profile picture and whatever rap lyrics they decide to grace the world with that day in the form of a status update. People have quirks and stories that would be just plain weird to put out over Facebook but are still worth getting to know and are very much a part of who they are.

This doesn’t mean that you’re not going to be able to rely on anything that is posted on a social media site and that they should be discounted totally. There are times that you need that public forum and it’s appropriate. Some things in life are great and you want to share them with everyone but even so you need to be careful how you do so because out of context it could be taken as you being arrogant and seeking attention. Maybe you have a friend far away; it’s a great way to keep up with them but at the same time you have to take everything you see with a grain of salt and be willing to make phone calls and such to get the full scope of whats going on in their life. I found a few of these things to be things that I had already realized about the drawbacks of Facebook however I found it especially effective to talk about them in class like we did because it gave me a concrete idea of what these things look like, how other people perceive them, and also what some of the underlying motivation for these actions might be.

Ultimately I learned a deeper understanding of how we interact not only on social media sites but how we interact in person as well. I gained a new perspective on what Facebook is good for and what Facebook is not good for and it really made me think about how much of my life I had based on Facebook in the past. Peter Berger, CEO of online publisher suit101.com put it especially well I thought when he said, “you can’t put the same amount of weight into information gathered via social media as you do information gathered via more traditional methods because it’s just not as genuine.(Peter, 2010)”  You could potentially miss out on your future wife because of some stupid Facebook drama that isn’t all that you’re making it out to be so with that being said I most importantly learned to not  jump to conclusions and take everything in stride because it’s ultimately all you can do.

Peter, B. (Performer) (2010). Social media’s influence on international relations [Web]. Retrieved from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3C5Kl58eMTA

Jain, R. (2010, June 20). 4 ways social media is changing your relationships. Retrieved from http://www.socialmediaexaminer.com/4-ways-social-media-is-changing-your-relationships/

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Blog 9

Set up a social networking dating site that uses the principles of imago relationship therapy.

When I began reading the Imago relationship therapy article I found it to have specific timing in my life because I had just taken a girl home to meet my family and one day her and I spent the day with my mom. They caught each other giving me crap for the same things and often sharing the same opinion of the things I do. So much so to the point where my mom felt as long as she could catch up with her and she said I was doing alright my mom would believe it. After reading this article I began to think about why I’m attracted to this girl and I came to the conclusion that she has strength in places I don’t. It’s awesome to spend time with someone who you admire simply for being different than you.

This is the kind of relationship that we’re all after. The one where your partner “completes” you and gives you that nurturing you’ve become accustomed to from birth. If I were to design a dating website based around this idea I would first start with a battery of questions that start from the beginning of your life. Asking about your parents, their relationship with each other and their relationship with you. Find out how they were involved in your life and what aspects they found to be most important to be involved in. I would then take it a step further and find out what annoyed you about your parents, like if they are constantly asking questions that annoyed you or if they weren’t involved enough. This would determine who the minimizers and maximizers are in order to match the minimizers and maximizers as the article stated. This is important to find out about how your ideal partner will help you in the healing process which is a lot of what a relationship is.

The next part of the profiling process would ask more general personal questions but with a weight on how you see yourself and what your strengths and weaknesses are. This is important for a relationship because you value your partner for their strengths and what they bring to the relationship. After compiling all this information the website would match people based on how their parents raised them and their strengths to make “one whole person”. Michael Borash makes the point that “were born whole individuals but through relationships with our caretakers needs are created which we then look to partners to fill”. (Borash 2012).

Zielinski, Joseph J. (1999). Discovering Imago Relationship Therapy. Journal of Psychotherapy, 36, 91-101.

Borash, M. (2012, November 11). Imago relationship therapy. Retrieved from http://www.mayakollman.com/about_imago.html

Blog 8

What is the relationship between one’s gender, saying “I love You” and having sexual relationships? How might these elements of a relationship be visible on Facebook?

 

This topic is an interesting one for sure. I feel like men have been made out in romantic comedies to have to overcome some sort of huge obstacle or do something crazy to confess their love and it always has to be the perfect scenario. It’s always the guys who have raging emotions and are having to battle with their psyche to be with their partner. The truth is that although men are statistically more likely to say “I Love You” first in a relationship this isn’t always true. Studies show that Women in their 30’s are more likely to say those three words first because they are more hormonally driven to do so. However with this being true it is also been brought up that it is traditionally “a man’s job to set the tone for the relationship.”

This relates to sex directly because men are more likely to engage in sex with their partner after saying I love you because they feel that it is important to establish that connection with their partner first before making that next step. Women on the other hand want to have that conversation after sex which I guess is because they want to feel the connection before they can commit to it. I see this maybe being because men find it easier to make up their minds on things initially. It’s easier for a man to say “I love that girl for these reasons” than it is for a woman because she probably has more complex emotions towards the man.

Facebook plays into this because I feel like there is added pressure to say I love you on the internet. My (more obnoxious) friends post all the time about how much they love their significant other. This sort of post is often accompanied by a cute picture or something they did for them. Other couples may see these kinds of posts and begin to wonder if they should do the same for their partner. This kind of ties into gratitude too but this is less specific than gratitude and is more of a general show of affection. I personally see Facebook as the last place and way I’d want love for me to be confessed but I’m not going to scoff at love however I get it.

Ackerman, J. M., Griskevicius, V., & Li, N. P. (2011). Let’s Get Serious: Communicating Commitment in Romantic Relationships. Journal Of Personality & Social Psychology100(6), 1079-1094.

Charles, E. (2012, October 19). [Web log message]. Retrieved from http://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/girl-says-i-love-you-first/

IMDB, (2004, February 13). 50 first dates. Retrieved from http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0343660/

Blog 7

How does gratitude impact a relationship and how might I see it play out in someone’s postings on Facebook?

This week in our readings we read a study which set out to find out how the display of gratitude played into our relationships. The results found that couples who showed regular gratitude towards each other were more likely to be in the same relationship 9 months later. We also viewed a TED talk about how gratitude plays into relationships and despite having some strange data such as “people with happy looking baby pictures are more likely to have successful relationships” it brought up some good points about gratitude and how its a positive feedback loop which ultimately helps the couple.

On Facebook people can show gratitude in a multitude of ways. Simply posting something kind about someone is a way of showing that you appreciate their existence. Personally I think that showing gratitude on Facebook is a bit over the top and that if you are truly grateful for something someone did or does you should tell them or reciprocate their actions. The idea of posting something public like that could be taken differently than it was meant by people who it was not directed to. This could be seen as “look how much I’m loved and special I am.”

For this blog post I read an article on a Buddhist based blog that spoke about showing gratitude in meaningful ways and all of them involved personal interaction or thoughtfulness such as taking over a mundane task for someone or writing a carefully worded letter letting them know what they did and how it affected their life. I guess the Buddhist ideals don’t really apply to conversations on Facebook but it is interesting how there is no place for Facebook in terms of these methods of showing gratitude.

However if you’re of the church of O or the Oprah Winfrey worshiping church you may partake in Oprah’s new Facebook game for showing gratitude called the Thank You Game which she hopes will spread gratitude worldwide. She started the project after a fan wrote her a particularly heartfelt letter and she realized how good it felt to be appreciated. These two conflicting views of gratitude on Facebook are at least food for thought because it’s really up to the poster to decide the appropriate reciprocation for what they’re thankful for.

Deschene, L. (2012, November 17). 50 ways to show gratitude for people in your life. Retrieved from http://tinybuddha.com/blog/50-ways-to-show-gratitude-for-the-people-in-your-life/

ElMonico, K. (2012, May 7). 50 ways to show gratitude for people in your life. Retrieved from http://corporate.discovery.com/blog/2012/05/07/oprahs-new-facebook-game-aims-to-spread-gratitude/

Carlson, E. N., Vazire, S., Oltmanns, T. F., (2011) You Probably Think This Paper’s About You: Narcissists’ Perceptions of Their Personality and Reputation, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology101185-201. DOI: 10.1037/a0023781

Blog 6

I must say I got a chuckle out of when this article was assigned to us; right around the time when everyone is thinking, maybe not consciously but subconsciously about their partner preferences. These criteria to which all potential candidates for companionship are measured against vary from person to person. Also, how strictly they are followed varies from scenario to scenario. For example, if I were to meet someone in person they may get a totally different impression than if they just looked at a facebook or dating profile. Unless someone has a predisposed reason to not like someone there is a good chance that they may hit it off despite the variance from their “ideal date.” Physical attractiveness is kind of the wild card so to speak in this equation because people may be more likely to tolerate less desirable traits to be with “a hottie.” Personally, attractiveness may be the reason i initially get to know a girl but it certainly isn’t why I date one.

The context of the encounter matters a lot. When people meet in person they have a different perspective of the person that allows the person to be seen as a whole. I feel like when people are judged based on a set of criteria, like on a dating website or how we have biased views on facebook, we start to judge people on a point system of sorts. I found an an article that talked about at what point into couple’s marriages they knew what characteristics were most important to them which was surprisingly early, mostly within the first couple years.

Eastwick, P. W., Finkel, E. J., & Eagly, A. H. (2011). When and why do ideal partner preferences affect the process of initiating and maintaining romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 101, 1012-1032.

Choo, E. and A. Siow (2006): “Who Marries Whom and Why,” Journal of Political Economy, 114 (1), 175-201.

Blog 5

This article made me change how I think of gossip. Normally I would think of someone who gossips as some one who I would not want to be around because I usually don’t care and gossip is in bad taste. However this article showed a different side of gossip. The difference in good, or prosocial, and bad gossip is if it’s true or not. This gossip is shared not for the sake of slandering someone or to hurt their reputation but to protect the people who may be effected. This same concept can be applied to the work place. One dutch study actually found that “gossip helps keep offices running more smoothly and can actually improve people’s productivity.” (Schepp) This speaks to how people may alter their behavior to save their reputation or also this prosocial gossip may offer insight to how they are perceived by their colleagues. The research they sited for the article states that 90% of all human conversations include gossip and that it’s just a product of our evolution and not something to be ashamed of. In other words, it’s important to be intentional with your gossip and make sure that you’re not just saying something about a person to say something but that you are benefiting someone else by letting them know about someone’s unfavorable characteristics.

Feinberg, M., Willer, R., Stellar, J., & Keltner, D. (2012, January 9). The Virtues of Gossip:Reputational Information Sharing as Prosocial Behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Advance online publication. doi: 10.1037/a0026650.

Schepp, David. “Gossip Is Good For The Office — And Your Productivity, Study Finds.” AOL. AOL, 12 Dec 2012. Web. Feb 5 2013. <http://jobs.aol.com/articles/2012/12/07/gossip-is-good-for-the-office-and-your-productivity-study-fi/&gt;.

Blog 4

I found this article to be particularly interesting because I guess I never really thought about what other people would think of my Facebook. This doesn’t mean that I just post what ever I want to. I’ve always viewed Facebook as a communication tool and a way to say things publicly people may care about. I try to keep my Facebook posts and pictures to things that I think are relevant and important in my life. One thing I struggle with on Facebook is promoting my band. When we play shows I’d like to post it to my Facebook so people not following the band page could see it but at the same time I don’t want to be that guy. There’s a fine line between casual promotion and over the top narcissism.
The concept of meta insight explains a lot about how people get the idea to post some of the things they do on Facebook. I have one friend who does nothing but posts pictures of his car and shirtless mirror pics. I referenced his page and the last 87 uploads are literally one of those things. I see this as him wanting to be seen as that type of person so he does everything with in his virtual power to make this happen.
In my googling for this article I found a funny blog that satirizes the narcissist’s facebook posting style. He says such things as “keep any photo of you looking expensive…” or “any picture taken by a Polaroid…(O’Connell, 2010).” This type of thing is exactly what someone would do who is trying to seem cooler than they really are by taking out all the real pictures from their Facebook and leaving the ones that maintain their desired image. This is exactly why Facebook is rarely a reliable show of who someone is but rather their personality and what they want to be seen as.

Carlson, E., Vazire, S., & Furr, R. (2011). Meta-insight: do people really know how others see them?
Journal Of Personality And Social Psychology, 101(4), 831-846.

O’Connell, R. (2010, September 21). [Web log message]. Retrieved from http://thoughtcatalog.com/2010/how-to-appear-cooler-on-facebook-than-you-really-are/